Today I felt a strong urge to find my bible. I didn't know why, but I knew I needed to find it. It was packed away in a box in the garage, and I hadn't looked at it in years.
After much searching, I found it. I felt happy and relieved. But now what? I wasn't sure what I was looking for. Where do I begin? As I flipped through the pages, I found, in the center of the Bible, a variety of prepared lessons. I paged through to see what sounded interesting.
There is was. Lesson #57-Picking Up the Pieces. That one felt right. I read the summary and tears welled up in my eyes. "Do you feel lost? Are you alone with your anger? Are you ready to heal your wounds?" Yes. This is where I would begin.
The study guide focused on four main lessons that I learned (the hard way) through my cancer journey:
- Trust in Self
- Trust in God
But, I was feeling afraid to ask for God's help. I wondered if my cancer diagnosis was a punishment from God for something I had done wrong during my life time. After much self-reflection, I stumbled upon The Prayer of St Francis.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.
Reading this prayer was like an awakening for me. Was I being asked to be an instrument? Was I being asked to show others the possibility of their own strength?
God has always given me strength. Many people tell me that I am the strongest person they know. Maybe God was now asking me to share this gift with others.
For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal live.
That is why I needed to find my bible. There was a message waiting for me there.