Am I An Instrument?

I had reached a point during my recovery where I felt strong again. I felt like I was catching my breath and that I was going to be OK. I felt encouraged. 

But, it also felt weird. 

I had a strong, unexplainable urge to find my Bible. I didn't know why, but I knew I just needed to find it. But where was it? There were moving boxes stacked in the garage from floor to ceiling and it would take forever to go through them. But, I had to do it.  

After much searching, I found it! I felt happy and relieved, although I still wasn't sure exactly why finding my Bible was so important. 

As I flipped through the pages, I found in the center of the Bible a variety of prepared lessons for a various life situations. I paged through to see what sounded interesting.

And there it was.  Lesson #57-Picking Up the Pieces. That one felt right.

I read the summary and tears welled up in my eyes after a few short paragraphs. "Do you feel lost"  Are you alone with your anger? Are you ready to heal your wounds?"  YES, YES, and YES!  This is what I needed today. 

The scripture readings showed examples of how to ask God for strength and how to heal my emotional wounds. 

After much self-reflection, I was still struggling with why I got cancer. I felt let down. I had always tried to do the right thing and had sacrificed my needs for the needs of others, yet I'm the one who got cancer. 

And then it came. I turned the page and found this prayer:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is double, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness; light; where there is sadness, joy.

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life. 

This was like a lightening bolt for me.

Was I being asked to be an instrument? Was God asking me to show others the possibility of their own strength? Maybe He was asking me to share my story with others so that they could feel strong after their own cancer journey. 

Cancer is hard, but with the love and support of others, and the patient hand of God guiding us, we can rediscover happiness again and live a life that brings us great joy.

Here's wishing you strength and courage. May you find peace, love and happiness today and every day. 😊 💗


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